I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
