No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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