You just made me feel so damn special
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
