I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
