my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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