The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
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She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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