why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
