you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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