If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
