Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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