apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
