I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
