how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
