Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
