Barsexuality is the new black.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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