why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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