I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
