Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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