oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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