Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
