Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
