i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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