I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
