I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
