I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
