she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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