Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
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