She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
