i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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