yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
