I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
