Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
