she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
