It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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