Your mouth is God's brothel.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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