I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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