Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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