He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
