our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize