Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
