i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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