I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
