No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
