Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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