I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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