Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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