i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
