New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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