Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
