I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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