I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
