I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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