Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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