Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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