You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
