You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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