My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
