my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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