Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
