spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
