Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
