you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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