I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
