just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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