Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
