I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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