I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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