when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
