You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
