so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
